I’m kinda bummed but also meh as it’s my so called god daughters birthday today (Monday) and I’ve not heard anything about her birthday party which I’m guessing was held this past weekend. Nice to be invited.. ha. I’m just feeling shit. Like I’m being punished for being unwell. I know they don’t believe I’m ill but that just makes it worse. I’m sick and tired of never having anyone that gives a damn about how I feel. Do they think I enjoy being like this? That I enjoy being single at 31! That I enjoy the fact that I have no life and still live at home! Or that I’ve no career or job! That I don’t have anything going for me in life and that each day just feels like I’m one step closer to never achieving anything and that I’m closer to death! Or that I enjoy having no friends around that offer support etc! I’m just so fed up. I hate my life. I don’t know how to change. I’ve asked for help and yet nothing gets sorted out. I feel guilty because I know my issues are nothing compared to others. I feel guilty because my depression doesn’t have a reason, it’s not caused by an event. I’m just done. I never thought I’d be the person left behind. Never thought I’d have nothing to show for 31 yrs. Never thought I’d still be at square one. I’m so alone it’s painful and just knowing that one day I’ll be all alone when my parents are gone, just kills me inside. I don’t want to be alone.

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